My speech to the kids

(From an interview with high school students about being gay)

1. Were you ever teased or put down because of your sexuality?

Oh yes. Many times. I was called a fag in school. I even felt ashamed over not having a girlfriend when all I really wanted was to go out with one of the jocks. (Not to worry though. I have since met a lot of hot gay jocks.) Someone once scratched "FAG" into the hood of my family's car. I once noticed "FAG" written on my knapsack in heavy ball-point pen and wondered who had done it and when they'd gotten a hold of my bag, and how many had seen. But words are only words and I knew I didn't need to feel ashamed. I am proud to be gay.

2. How do you feel about the Catholic Church's view on homosexuality?

That depends on what part of the Catholic Church you're asking about. Not being Catholic or even Christian it is hard for me to tell. Once the one hand, there are Catholics, such as my mother, who express the positive values of the church by being loving and accepting. And there are others who use the church to rationalize their prejudice and aggression but if the Catholic Church didn't exist they would find another vehicle for it.

As for the institution, their stance against homosexuality is disrespectful, inhumane and anachronistic in a supposedly rational, enlightened world. Mind you, their record on birth control, women, non-Catholics, and so forth isn’t so hot either so homos are in good company.

3. What is your response to people who are homophobic or are opposed to your lifestyle?

One of the deepest values of any society is to respect one another but that principle is too easily evaded when others do what is uncomfortable or strange for us, so we think of them as outsiders when they’re only people. Homophobes are afraid of that strange idea of two men having sex or two women, often brought up thinking it’s bad or wrong and never questioning it. It’s a sign they need to look at their fears — many are afraid of sex itself — rather than project them on others.

I don't support the lifestyles of narrow-minded judgmental bigots but I don't go trying to beat them up or take away their human rights. If I did I would be called a monster and rightly so. Live and let live.

Now let's look at the usual topics of conversation:

MARRIAGE IS FOR STRAIGHT PEOPLE — Marriage has historical roots as an economic or political arrangement. Nothing about sex or love in there but convenient for the children, yes. Since then it's changed to represent the natural pairing of people for love — institutions change all the time — and if gays and lesbians also couple out of love then marriage must encompass that too. If you say marriage is for children, does that mean straight couples without children can't get married? And if gay or lesbian couples have children, as many do, they should by that logic get married anyway.

IT'S NOT NATURAL — If it happens in nature how can it not be natural? In spite of all the oppression, ridicule, violence, rejection, stigmatization, roadblocks, it still exists.

THE PARTS AREN'T BUILT FOR THAT — For having babies, I agree. For expressing love or lust, I don't — and neither does anyone tacitly as long as they have sex for something other than baby-making. Anyone who tells you otherwise is fooling himself. The world doesn't lack for babies, so the fact some people aren't having them hasn't dented our population growth.

IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME AS LONG AS I DON'T HAVE TO SEE IT — Which means it does bother you. Face it. Why should it make you uncomfortable? What you're really saying is homosexuality doesn't bother you as an abstract idea but in fact you don't want to think about it. That's neither tolerance nor acknowledgement. How would you like it if everyone could display affection publicly but not you?

BUT IT'S GROSS — No, ugly people having sex is gross. Having sex with someone you fancy is fun! And if you don't like it, who invited you anyway?

4. What can people do to stop hate crimes against homosexuals?

Report them! Condemn them! They're so hard to prove that victims need all the help they can get. It's too easy for attackers to hide behind convenient explanations and avoid taking responsibility. You have to prove intent. JUDGE: You hit him with a pipe because he was gay. DEFENDANT: No sir, I just didn't like his face.

And learn some self-defence. Anyone in danger of a hate crime — and that includes everyone really — should know something about protecting themselves, and this can cut down significantly the number of attacks.

5. Do you believe that there is a moral issue behind homosexuality? If so, what is it?

I don't understand your question. There are morals everywhere. You could say it's right to raise children to be happy and healthy and therefore it's right to raise gay and lesbian kids to be happy and healthy, and I'd agree with that. But you're probably asking if homosexuality is amoral and it's not.

Morals are not universal. They have to make sense. It is wrong to kill, for example, although many believe it’s justified if your own life is threatened. In the case of two people of the same sex loving one another, it’s illogical to say that’s morally wrong when it doesn’t hurt other people, doesn’t ruin the economy or the environment, and actually strengthens society by increasing the number of happy stable couples. It’s morally right.

6. Do you think that you are treated equally in society? If not, what is your opinion of those who discriminate against homosexuals?

Which society? Canada? North America? It depends. I'm treated equally by the people I know: my co-workers and employer treat me well, friends and family treat me fairly, and I don't feel I'm in danger of someone hitting me with a pipe and calling me a fag. But in general, by society? Not completely. I can't go to a lot of small towns across the country and be openly gay. I can't even hold hands with a guy in certain parts of the city or else I'll be attacked. The federal government is planning to hold another vote to try revoking my right to marriage. Are the rights to marriage of anyone else being attacked or questioned? No.

7. What do you think could be done against the intolerance of homosexuality?

You can change attitudes only one person at a time, through explaining and teaching, showing that we all want the same things: food, shelter, to be loved, to be healthy. It’s only through understanding we are all more alike than not that people see their assumptions and beliefs about our diffences mean little.

What to do? On a personal level, encourage others to be open-minded and welcoming. Point out when your friends and family aren’t being fair and respectful to gays and lesbians. On a societal level, think about whom you vote for — vote period! The policies of some politicians may be good for the economy or certain lobby groups, but if they also promote intolerance, don’t vote for them.

8. If you could stand up in front of a group of people and some something on homosexual rights to leave an impact on them that would make them think differently what would you say?

To all those people who are gay or lesbian or aren't sure what they feel and are hiding and worried what will happen if anyone knows: it does get better. Much better. I know how much it hurts now, but don't let it grind you down. If your friends castigate you, you deserve better friends. If your parents might kick you out wait till you're on your own and then tell them. Consider telling siblings first to build moral support — they’re usually more understanding. No matter what — it’s okay. Have faith in yourself. Claim the happiness that is rightfully yours.

And to those who have ostracized, intimidated, beat up, laughed at or written FAG on the knapsacks of others: stop. Stop being small-minded. Treat others well. Afraid your friends will think you’re gay too? Don’t let yourself be intimidated. You’re not lemmings, you’re intelligent people. I bet there’s something about you others might make fun of, so think about how that might feel. Kindness and fairness are signs of strength. Live and let live.